Don’t Hand Me No Lines and Keep Your Poo to Yourself!

Warning, you are about to venture into my evening out that was sent awry by not one but two disgusting public bathrooms! My Language is a little less than family friendly towards the end and the content will not be appropriate for your children.

cici's pizza

We decided to take the kids out for dinner last night to CiCi’s. Now, Papa Bear and I personally do not like the pizza there, but the kids LOVE it, so we take them every few months out of the goodness of our hearts because they chant for it like crazy people.

Now usually, everything at our local (well if you want to call 35 minutes away local) CiCi’s is usually tiptop. The tables are always clean, there are adequate plates and silverware and all that good stuff, but this trip did not start as well. We were immediately sent scrambling to find a table as a very RUDE woman in a power chair kept trying to run my kids over and dominate any walking space.

Then it was off to fix plates, to which we were greeted by about three half pizzas on the buffet, including just two pieces of what was intended to be cheese pizza. Let me tell you though, my kids’ get more cheese in one Lunchable than what was placed on these two pieces.

We made our way through dinner, having to notify the employs of the absence of plates, forks and straws along the way and Papa Bear and I were ready to get out of there. Of course, Goldilocks had to go to the bathroom. I went along and was immediately greeted by a half-wet floor that was littered with toilet paper.

We made our way to look in the door of the first stall to find a toilet on the verge of overflowing and covered pee, yikes! My dinner wouldn’t be ruined until we peeked into the only other stall. To amazement, there was the toilet seat, smeared with poo!

Talk about ruining and already less than adequate dinner. We quickly darted out and I informed Goldi to hold it until we got to Wal-Mart in a few minutes to do our shopping before heading home.

Now, I used to avoid Wal-Mart bathrooms like the plaque, but our location usually keeps them really clean. Boy was I going to be in for a shock this time. We entered and almost immediately began to gag from the smell of poo and amazingly enough were greeted to the same scene we just saw at CiCi’s. There was not one useable stall and once again, poo smeared on the toilet seat!

Really, people, really! How do you manage to smear your crap on a public toilet?

Let’s cover some basic rules of public poo etiquette.

    Wipe Your Ass Please!
  • Unless you are the idiot who just ate Thai or Mexican food while recovering from the flu and you have to take a poo, please kindly just try to wait until you are in the comfort of your own home and stink that up instead.
  • If for some reason you never quite mastered the wiping stage as a child, please don’t poo.
  • If your kid has to poo, kindly attend them in the bathroom and help them wipe there poo as to not get it on the seat.
  • If for some reason, you or your child still manage to smear your stinky crap all over the public restroom seat, FLIPPING GET SOME PAPER TOWELS OR TOILET PAPER AND CLEAN IT OFF! You are perfectly capable of thoroughly washing your hands after the fact and no one wants to your stinky POO smeared on the damn seat! Really, I don't care if you have to ask the employees of wherever the crap you are for some gloves and sanitizing cleaner, you shit on the seat you clean the seat you nasty people.