Before I even begin, I must warn you that I am moody, depressed and prone to unladylike language. This post is a random rant, full of emotion that needs to go somewhere. If that's not your thing, stop reading now.
I don't necessarily hate birthday parties, I hate the way they make me feel and that fact that every time I host one I ended up feeling a general disdain for people.
Tomorrow is my youngest daughters 5th birthday party. It is only the second birthday party we have ever held for her and a whopping 3 people showed up for her first birthday. Granted, we rescheduled because she was at the hospital on her first birthday puking like an exorcist movie, but still 3.
It seems this year isn't going to fare much better. For her 5th birthday we have a total of 6 guest coming, all family and all adults.
I understand people get sick, have other commitments and so on, but more than half of the people we invited didn't even responded. Not even a fucking "I'm sorry but we won't be able to make it."
So my daughter will have the first party that she remembers, when fun games sent to us courtesy of Hasbro and their will be NO other kids here other than her two siblings.
I know why it breaks my heart, pisses me off and makes me want to cancel the whole thing and curl up in a bawl and cry. My birthdays as a kid sucked ass too!
I didn't have many friends. In fact, it wasn't until high school that I my number of friends required more than one hand to count. We were not close with what family was around either.
I hated it and wanted so much more for my kids.
But here we are. I'm ranting away online and counting down the hours to another shitty birthday party that I can only hope won't linger in my daughters mind the way mine have.
Out of almost 11 years and 3 kids we have had 3 successful birthday parties. There is still hope that those odds can change and I won't hate birthday parties forever. A mama can dream!