The Day United States Science Teachers Became Terrorist Leaders

Breaking News: Parents I urge you to revoke permission for child to participate in any science lesson, activity or experiment at school! We have recently learned that bubbles are deemed dangerous enough to evoke the words “terrorist threat” and we all know that bubbles are key part in an early science education.

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A Friendly Letter to Always®

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Transient

I’m a big fan of your feminine pads. The freak of nature that I am, I get the pleasure of stocking up your product every 26 days for Aunt Flow’s 9-day visits that leave me feeling more productive than Niagara Falls. I’m not a fan of Tampons, so as you can imagine, with 9 straight days of strapping on some protection, I’m thankful for your thin and comfortable pads.

Since their release, I have been a full on cheerleader for the Always® Infinity® line, but last night you threw me for a loop. First, I must tell you, it is my fault, as I didn’t take the time to figure out what made the new Always® Radiant Infinity® different from the originals.

Imagine my shock when I opened up the packaging and was greeted by a smell that reminds me of a girl trying WAY too hard to get hit on in a club. Now, your description says “a light clean scent, so you can feel fresh.” I assure you, that there is nothing light and clean about it.

Besides the fact that the pad makes me feel like I’ve been surprised attacked by a perfume counter worker, I just can’t see the point of it.

Honestly, I’m perfectly capable of keeping my hoo-ha clean and fresh, even when Aunt Flow comes around and do not require your assistance in that department. Secondly, does any woman seriously put herself in the situation, while on her period and sporting a pad that someone is going to have the opportunity to go sniffing around down there?

I can assure you that when Aunt Flow comes rushing by again next month, these froo froo scented things will not be in my house again. In fact, I will be donating the second box I bought. I will happily stick with the original Always® Infinity® pads and kindly ask you to leave the “freshness” of nether regions to me in the future.

 

Yours Truly,

An Odd Mom Who Currently Has a Hoo-Ha that Smells Like it Had an Encounter with a Cheap Hooker

 

What do you think about scented feminine products? Are you excited to try out Always® new line of pads or would you rather stick the originals like me?

 

Quirks of an Odd Mom: I Have NO Interest in 50 Shades of Grey

I have read countless opinion pieces on 50 Shades of Grey since women began to flock to the stores like horny freaks to get lost in a land BDSM. "Consensual" or not, the whole violent sex without a "relationship" scenario being pushed to the masses as "romance" just irks the shit out of me.

I'm still not going to share a giant rant with you about why I have no interest in reading material like this, instead I'm going to share a quote from the August 9th 2012 episode of Chelsea Lately with you.

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A Weekend at the Beach Made me Come to Terms to With My Boobs!

After 6 years and 10 months of providing nutrition and comfort for children, by boobs are droopy figments of what they once were. Just seven years ago, I was complaining about trying to find 32 F bras and lately I’ve been complaining about the lack bras that are made small enough to fit the peanuts now attached to my chest. It only took one weekend at the beach to make me come to terms with the reality of 12 year old girl looking bust and realize that we are all SO different and I just need to suck it up and move on with my new look.

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Mommy, Why Did You Eat Me?

I never thought a day would come that I would share the hideous photos of myself that you are about to see. Since it was this picture that prompted the question of my three-year-old daughter, uttered with slight fear and defined seriousness, I must share.

You see, I ran across a flash drive full of photos and decided to browse through them last week. Naturally, the kids all piled up around me to travel down memory lane too. The photos ranged from 2006 to 2008 and are sweet reminders of Ema's 1st birthday, a time when her and Matt actually "played nice," the day Matt cut Ema's hair down to her scalp and so much more.

Transient

Then we come to the horrible picture of me, 5 months pregnant with Ali, miserable, as I had two wisdom teeth pulled out just hours before with simply Novocain. This is the moment, when after seeing other preggo picks, Ali shouts out with the fear in her voice, "Mommy, why did you eat me?" The older kids busted out laughing while I tried to control my laugh and calmly tell her that I did not eat her. Thankfully, she didn't further inquire as to "how" she got in my belly. I don't think I'm ready to have that conversation with a three year old.

Obviously, I didn't eat you my sweet little Ali, here you are!

And what did all of this time down memory lane and the question uttered by a three year old that I will never forget make me think of????