Mom's Temporarily Out of Order

I've got a confession to make, I'm broken. The part of me that knows how to keep it all together and trudge on has been chipped away at the last few months. Though in the grand scheme of life and the problems of the world the things that have beaten me down seem insignificant. Yet these insignificant things are beating the shit out of me mentally.

It started in May when Matt's emotions started to yo-yo again. There is nothing more heartbreaking, soul breaking, than having your child ask you (again) why they can't just be normal. Why they can't make sense of the things in their mind.

Just when I thought I couldn't handle anymore emotionally, we got the news that Adam's grandmother, our beloved Meme was sick and heading to the hospital. In a whirlwind of sadness and goodbyes, sick went to cancer, a visit to Florida and hearing the news that Meme passed, all in less than two months time. 

How do you digest that? How do you hold it together for your husband who is grieving while still keeping up your guard for a next impending meltdown from your child?

Apparently you don't!

Until I started doing laundry yesterday we were all out clean underwear and towels. I have mostly ignored the blog and all of my social media accounts. Mostly though, I've beat myself for being a selfish bitch for allowing this to tear me down when it wasn't my grandmother. It isn't my place to go off the deep end. But here I freaking am!

Here, spewing my random, personal thoughts, throwing one of my most vulnerable  moments out there.

So, please excuse me while I slap myself around a few times, indulge in unusual amounts of chocolate, coffee and alcohol, and get my head on right. Until then, mom's temporarily out of order.