Simply put, I am emotionally drained. The last few weeks have been hard and I've been busy keeping myself from diving off the "I can't do this" cliff.
You see, Matt has been on emotional roller coaster and when he decides to go on a ride that means I'm right there with him, like it or not. I don't know if it is puberty kicking in, or a trigger that I just haven't recognized yet, but this particular go round has had some steep drops. He gets unbelievably sad, angry, confused and all of this is peppered with brief moments of happiness.
A little over a week ago he asked the questions that shatter my heart.
"Why I am like this?"
"Why doesn't my brain work right?"
"Why am I so weird?"
Matt is at a point where he is realizing how he different and he doesn't want to be. My heart breaks!!! I don't want him to feel different, I don't want him to feel like he is not okay. He is perfect. One day he will see this and I will continue to do everything I can make sure he knows it until then. For now though, now I am stretched to my mama strength limits and am just waiting for that next moment when I can exhale.
So what are our odd week(s) in review? Lots of audio books, videos on other countries, game play, fishing with daddy, cuddles, the History Channel and lots of reassuring love.