When Being Mom Means Answering the Hard Questions

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Walt Whitman said, "Simplicity is the glory of expression." But what if it isn't simple. What if your child cannot figure out how to properly express them self. What if putting those thoughts and feelings out into the world were far from simple?  

That is the life of my son on the Autism spectrum and now that he is getting older, I find myself at a loss of words, unable to simply express the answers he needs. 

You see, Matt is now able to tell me when he feels like he cannot control his anger or sadness (which is often these days) and he wants to know why? 

 

Why does he feel like he needs to move around and cannot control it?

Why does he get so angry when he doesn't want to be?

Why can't he remember things when he really wants to?

 

"Why I am Like This?" 

 

How do you answer this question when your child ask it? I tried last night, but in all honesty, I know he wanted more from me. At this point, I'm not sure how to explain to my sweet boy that his brain works a little differently without making him feel even more alienated than he already does. 

I'm going to keep trying though, because I'm his mom and I love him, even in the really hard times. The times that those outside of our home don't get to see. 

I will continue to hold him and wipe away his tears at night as he struggles to find balance. I will continue to hide my tears from him. I will continue to fight to make people understand that just because a child or adult looks "normal" on the outside, they may have some serious struggles that make life difficult.